Stress or depression?

Do you ever just had a good day and suddenly you just lost in your thoughts during the night? Like a dark realm trying to swallow you in a crowd of people. Yeah it scares me more than i know. Do you ever felt lonely in a crowd of people? Do you? Is it stress? Or is it depression? I cant quite tell. How can you live when your thoughts are swallowing you inside? And you wanted to cry so bad but daddy always said that boys should not cry. Boys should be strong. Boys should be boys. And the society wont accept weak boys. Boys eventually become a man. So, can a man cry now? Yes. Only on his wedding day as to show how grateful he is because he gets to marry the love of his life. Thats all. Man shouldn't cry. Man needs to be strong. Man should be strong there are no other options. But how can a man stay strong for so long without killing himself? I admire those man. Because i cry. I cry but only in my heart. I cannot let others knew that i was weak. I cannot let the whole world knew that i was on my knees begging to end my life right at this moment because im so tired. I tried my best. I do. I really do. But it just not enough. It was not enough. It will never be enough. Thats the world im living in. And thats how i cant cry. Now or forever. Can i?